In a lot of families, problems stayed inside the house. Maybe you heard “los trapos sucios se lavan en casa,” or watched the adults in your life push through hard things without ever naming them. So when you start thinking about therapy, it can feel like you’re breaking an unspoken rule.
As a first-gen daughter of Mexican immigrant parents, I know that feeling well. Here are a few things I wish more first-gen clients heard before their first session.
Wanting support isn’t betrayal
Going to therapy doesn’t mean you think your family failed you. You can love your parents, honor what they sacrificed, and want to understand how their struggles shaped you. Those things can all be true at once.
Many of the patterns first-gen clients bring to therapy, like overworking, people-pleasing, or feeling responsible for everyone, started as ways to survive. Therapy isn’t about blaming anyone. It’s about choosing which of those patterns you want to keep.
Common feelings when you’re first
- Guilt for spending time or money on yourself.
- Doubt that your problems are “big enough” compared to what your family went through.
- Translating yourself between two cultures, and sometimes two languages, all day long.
- Worry that a therapist won’t understand your family, or will judge them.
If any of these come up, you can say them out loud in session. A good therapist will make room for them instead of brushing past them.
What a first session is actually like
There’s no couch and no pressure to share everything at once. We’ll talk about what brought you in, what you hope will change, and how you want to work together. You decide what to share and when. You can also ask me anything, about how I work, my background, or what therapy might look like for you.
You don’t have to tell anyone
Whether to tell your family about therapy is completely your choice. Some clients share right away, some wait, and some never do. What you talk about in session stays private, with a few legal exceptions related to safety that I’ll explain in our first meeting.
Finding the right fit
It’s okay to look for a therapist who shares or understands your culture or language. Many people find it easier to open up when they don’t have to explain the basics of who they are. A free 15-minute consultation is a simple way to see whether we’re a good fit, with no commitment.
